New Plans

My flawless plan has been flawed. My hopes thet my girlfriend would not contradict herself failed. After a great dinner with my parents, we went to her room and she starting sobbing and said that she cannot date someone who drinks/smokes. It was not a threat, it was a warning. I told her I am done and that I really meant it. But do I? Do I really eman it? I really believe I do. I'm not quitting for the sake of quitting I guess, but because I love her. Being high is a great feeling but she is everything that is plus more. We talked for a while and I convinced her I am done.

I am worried though. If I am hanging out with some friends and free weed is up to be smoked, I hope I can control myself. My GF believes I am strong enough, but I don't think she realizes that I am not that strong. But I know one puff and she and I are done, and I won't let that happen.

I love my partying bros but at the same time, they can be pressuring. I know the decision is mine, and that my slip ups are no one else's fault but my own. However, the fact that they are holding the pipe and lighter for me is like making me. I love these guys and would hate to lose them at friends. It's not that I feel that I have to drink and smoke to stay friends weith them, it is just that we may not be as close. I am really lost here. I told them I am done. Done with it all. Two laughed, one called me whipped by my girlfriend and one said I'd be back in a week or two. I don't know. I hope they are wrong.

The main thing I have to do is have faith in myself. I have to flex the inner strength I have and be strong enough to overcome the pressure. I have to remember love is a better high than weed. I just have to stay strong.

Deep inside, I know I am not done.